Living Donor - Emotion vs. Logic


Brodie had a great day today - I think he was happy to be home and not be poked and prodded. His tummy has gone down and he seems comfortable despite going through surgery. He had his 4 month drs appt and received 3 of his vaccinations and developmentally is on point. His spirits are high, the living is good and I think he just loves being home.

Our 3.5 y/o Harper is having a tough time understanding what is going on. We are trying to help her understand what is happening. i started sharing with her that Brodie's liver is really sick and that someone was going to share their liver to help B-man feel better... To which she responded - "Well how in the world are they going to do that!?!?" I just kept it simple - there are very special drs and nurses who know just what to do.

Now it comes to one of the most critical decisions of this process - one that I shared with you already. The Living Donor. Emotion or Logic? Let me state somethings up front. I simply cannot convey how overwhelmed we are with the selfless, loving, intention filled choices all of you who have called or even considered calling have had on us. There are over 70 people who have called to learn more about the process - (don't stop! We are looking for a perfect match - it could be you!!!) ummm I do not even know what to say. It is a life changing moment for you and an absolute life gift for my son and our family. Thank you.

Tonight I must make the decision of whether I will donate my liver or if we open the gates to all of the inquiries. This is nerve-racking, heart-wrenching, soul-searching question... (I wish someone could tell me what the right decision is)

Here is what you need to know: 
If I donate - I am not allowed to be my sons caretaker through the process (Russ would be and I would need an appointed care taker for me)
If I donate - I cannot pick up and hold my baby for up to 4-5 weeks (he can be placed on my lap)
If I donate - I cannot drive back and forth to the hospital or anywhere
If I donate - I cannot manage the aftercare of my son (which is one of the critical pieces of this process)
If I donate - what short term / long term impact will that have on Harper?
If I donate and he rejects my liver - who will save him?
If I donate and he would need a 2nd transplant down the line - who would be the back up? 
If I donate he might be healthy for the rest of his life - There are people that say the neurology and physiology an organ from your biological parent makes the transplant rejection lessen but no studies to prove it.

My point in sharing this is for you to understand how overwhelming this decision is. There is so much to think about. And I am sick over it but comforted by knowing either way we will get him a happy healthy sliver of a liver.

What you have all shown me is our support system is wide and deep and no matter what we choose you will help us through this "life test" and get little Brodie well.

Today was a hard day for me emotionally - I am terrified, optimistic and humbled by the outpouring of love and support "our tribe" has shown us.