Update 06/07 - It has been awhile – I think it is the summer effect. Time seems to just creep by without me even knowing that minutes are turning into hours turning into days and before I know it we are here, in summer, in June – I mean how does this happen?
Life is busy but slow here in the Tigue household. As you all know Brodie turned a “WILD ONE” a couple weeks ago. It was so great you all hopefully saw the amazing surprise that was pulled off by WKYC, Dawn Kendrick Reporter, A Special Wish Cleveland Chapter and Safe and Reliable Limo – awesome. But then we had a celebration in true blue BGVT spirit with family and friends. It was so special.
What a year. What a warrior. What a crazy life.
We laughed, we cried, we sang, we ate cake and then maybe some more (my Mom’s cake is just so delicious)…
We celebrated probably in a way that you don’t usually celebrate at birthdays – if you really think about what a birthday is all about… It is about LIVING and being able to LIVE another year but most birthdays are about turning OLDER and adding another year on.
I think that what I learned the most from Brodie’s birthday was that we take things for granted and it is so easy to forget little things – Brodie’s “WILD ONE” Bash was so much about we made it – we did it – we are here – we lived to tell about it – and we are going to live – LIVE LOUD – another year – full of life.
As we celebrate Brodie’s first year of life celebration – with all of the happiness I find myself at times laced with a bit of sadness and bittersweet nostalgia.
With all of these new-fandangled apps we have these days – I have TimeHop (which I love) – as you all know by now I am a picture fanatic and it pulls all the pictures you have on your phone and any social media apps and it gives you a snapshot THAT exact day on years prior.
As the pictures have started rolling in of Brodie’s first couple weeks of life each day it is like a little wound opening on me as a stare at that sweet newborn face and now have the knowledge that this little, sweet, innocent babe was going to have to fight and fight harder than most to keep his little life.
I look at the pictures of how happy we were and how sweet he was and I know that one year ago our worlds had not yet been rocked.
I look at the pictures of Harper and how innocent she was and how we never knew we would have to put our little girl through so much.
I look at the pictures of Russ and I out on a few date days/nights and think of how sweet the “we-have-a-new-baby-and-we-are-freaking-exhausted-but-we-are-still-fun-we-think” we had no idea.
And sometimes I think to myself what if… What would life be like if… And I stop because I can’t. I can’t go there. And I don’t want to necessarily. I said something when I was interviewed by WKYC Channel 3 - Cleveland at Brodie’s birthday – I said you need to “Love your life story.”
I am not sure where it had popped into my mind or why it did – but I truly meant it. I don’t think you have to be “in love” at every moment with your life but I do think you have to appreciate the hard knocks, the rock bottoms, the pick yourself up and dust yourself off, the suck it up buttercup moments – because those.
Those little or big moments - help you learn about who you are, what you stand for and how this life will continue or change.
When this happened many people said “how are you handling this?” “are you okay” and although I was rocked to my core, my soul was weak, my nerves in shambles, my faith challenged – I couldn’t help think – This is what makes life, life.
We listen to others, we learn from others, we all have stories about someone we know has this or had that happen and we share them with others and we all say “*Gasp* – can you imagine??”
We just never expect that story to be yours and your family. And when it does happen – when the unexplained, terrifying, tale becomes you and your family.
The world sort of stops.
There is nothing that makes it better, there are no right words to soothe you, there is nothing that consoles the endless, continuous ache that your heart has, there is nothing that stops the worst case scenarios and horrors from entering your racing mind, there is nothing that is up with you on sleepless, disturbed never-ending nights.
You are on a wheel. You are running round and round and round and round, over and over and over and over. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Repeat.
Nothing can help you. Except for you.
I am so proud that our family has toughed this out. That our family has stuck together. The more I focus on “what” we have been through I recognize Russ’ coined term “Tigue Tough” was so wise and profound – we jokingly put that together and I don’t think that either one of us truly understood the gravity of what “Tigue Tough” would be about.
My Mom used to tell us growing up that we were “Rough and Tough and Made of Super Stuff”
One of my brother's, Mike told me just that, so many times this past year – “Remember what Mom said Trac – you are Rough and Tough and Made of Super Stuff” - You got this. Brodie’s got our super stuff. Harper too. And Russ is just tough.”
Mike was right – and there may have been some nights on repeat in my head My Mom and Mike’s voice kept saying “you are Rough and Tough and Made of Super Stuff Trac – you got this.”
We did the dang thing. We rocked it.
Be Rough and Tough and Made of Super Stuff.
Love your life story.
And celebrate LIVING your Life.