I am a little unnerved this week as we are anticipating all that will unfold over the next couple of weeks and find myself thinking "is this real life"??
I have always had a plan. Always. I am a problem-solver and a solution-finder and I work until it is planned, executed and followed through on. So being in this purgatory of having a plan but helplessly being on someone else's clock is so excruciating.
However, action is happening this week and I feel like time cannot move fast enough as the minutes tick and turn to hours I find myself anxiously awaiting what is next...
Today we will go to Brodie's team to check in to see how he is doing - we are anticipating a positive appointment. His blood/labs were pulled and ran this past Friday and there was no calls - which you all know means a good thing! We will have an update from them on Brodie and his health.
Tomorrow I have my liver biopsy and will get the results on Weds. If that is cleared I will be presented to two different committees on Friday to be a living donor for my little guy. And then? We wait until 10/19 - Brodie's New Liver Birthday!
Brodie will also be baptized tomorrow evening! (Finally I had every intention if doing it this summer -oops!)
As for Brodie this weekend I found myself lost in a moment of Baby screeching, cooing and lots of smiles and he was so happy and it was an extreme "mama moment of connection" where i was so lost in him that when I remembered "the clock was ticking" I had one of my emo-basket-case breakdown moments where... I couldn't help but to think about his baby innocence how it is going to be stolen so soon. It already has been. The unfair pain he has had to go through and what his future holds for him to be subjected to.
Those are the dark teary black moments that I have to literally tell myself to rise above and not get lost in the hazy mist of dark doubt and focus on what we and I can control which is how we respond and remind ourselves long term reward - long term reward - LIFE! He will not remember this.
I keep falling back on the saying "Tough times don't last but tough people do." I think about all of the people that I have met in the halls of the Clinic and others that have reached out and shared their stories - and they made it through. They are living life and they completely dominated their tough time - even if they didn't feel like that at the time - they totally did! Living proof right in front of me.
So what do we have to do? Keep on trucking. Making our way through these upcoming weeks - trusting the hands that are guiding and working on us. Brodie's Good Vibe Tribe hands that are lifting and supporting us. And keep moving forward - because that is what we all do - everyday.
Take time today to focus on you. And be thankful for what you have going on. And if you are going through a tough time - know you will rise above it! You can and will - that is what we are telling ourselves every day - there is no other option!