Update: 08/13/2016

Update: 08/13/16 - I have been quiet. I am not sure why… it could be I have been in the quicksand of mothering and of life. Trying to find time to come up for air between food, playing, cleaning, a little consulting, teaching a Dale Carnegie course and adulting.

It has been a long time and I am sorry. My friend Jenn pinged me and said what is happening? And I realized that it has been almost over a month – YIKES!

Three days ago I would have had nothing but amazingness to tell you – Brodie was and is doing amazing however we just had a recent “incident” let me bring you up to speed…

We had labs done the week of the 4th of July – Big John was top notch as usual. The labs came back incredible – his AST and ALT (liver functions) have always been exactly where they need to be.

His little liver is perfect.

There are some other things that have been acting wonky that we are eyeing H&H, Potassium, etc. but they are minor and could be side effects of some of the meds that he is on. Meds we are stil on – Tacro (anti-rejection), Bactrim (prevent infection), Aspirin, Iron, and Lovenox (blood thinner - shots). Otherwise our next appointment is August 22nd – ultrasound and Dr. Krishnan – GI Team (our liver doc).

Until then Drs. orders - enjoy life!

Brodie is now a full-on toddler – he is in full motion – walking everywhere, trying to climb, falling, getting into things, running into things, crying one minute, laughing the next and unfortunately he did inherit my Irish temper and when it flares it is something.

We have been on a couple road trips visiting friends’ boats and lake houses, we went up to Cedar Point (lots of magic soap and sanitizing), we have had lots of cookouts and get togethers, we have conquered the trails of Hinckley Lake for AM workouts, we have gone to birthday parties, block parties and pretty much have celebrated summer just the way it should be done.

Brodie is enamored with people and kids – the more action the better. He is totally charismatic and is so fun to watch grow. His favorite things: Balls, Cars or anything with wheels, his Daddy and Olympic women’s beach volleyball.

The other AM before the “incident” he was sitting on the living room floor and I had the TV on as I scurried to get breakfast for everyone, clean up, make sure our bags were packed for the day, pack up the car – I had the TV on.

Of course I had the Olympics on because I am obsessed with them. I watch as much as I can whenever I can – I love how the world unites in these games. I love the passion, the dedication and the emotion that it provokes every time I watch it.

Women’s beach volleyball was the event of the hour and out of the corner of my eye I see Brodie stop what he is doing and sit in front of the TV (which he is wayyyyy too busy normally to watch anything).

He sits still, staring at the TV, then slowly starts grunting and jibber jabbing and he puts his hands above his head and starts opening and closing his hands – HAHAHAHAHA he did this for like 5 minutes. Boy caught the beach girl bug – although he did like the ball going back and forth too. Hilarious.

As the morning progresses I am bustling to get everything done and us out the door, we have a busy day ahead. Brodie is acting hungry which is just dumb because the boy has already housed an Olympic athlete breakfast.

I grab him and put him in his highchair, get some yogurt and try to get him satisfied after he inhales a majority of the yogurt I am explaining to him we need to go and he is done – which provokes that crazy irate Irish temper.

He starts screaming, flailing his arms, thrusting his body back, arching his back, kicking his legs… I am in full stride with my back turned towards him walking 5 feet away to the pantry and I hear the worst noise possible.

A crash to the ground. Followed by a sickening huge thud. Immediate cries follow.

Whipping around I find Brodie face planted on the floor on his tray to his high chair. He had somehow popped off the tray – in my haste I must not have secured it entirely.

I pick him up – he has a knot the size of a small softball instantaneously on his forehead. *remember he is on Lovenox which behaves as a blood thinner? This insanely awful monstrosity on his head had been caused instant bleeding that swelled immediately. (oh and if you look close to the pictures you will see he has a bruise on his other temple from toppling over last week).

My poor baby. What had I done?

I rushed him to the ER – where we had to get a CAT Scan done to ensure there was no bleeding on the brain (again triggered by the increased bloodflow from Lovenox).

Then we had to be admitted to main campus at Cleveland Clinic Children’s for overnight observation. Floor M50 allowed us to see some of our favorite nurses – Cassandra, Preston and Suzy – they doted on us making sure Brodie was okay and I was mentally stable.

I am happy to report that he is 100% fine – just very very bruised – as is my Mama ego.

This has ignited a fire in me to get him off of Lovenox.

Have you ever been in a water balloon toss? You know how you throw the balloons back and forth and your partner launches it and as it is flying through the air towards you - you think to yourself - is it going to break? Is this the time? Will it happen? And as you catch the latex water filled balloon you watch as the water sloshes back in for inside and as the latex tightens in your hands as you try to catch it “gently” and you do – that time. You immediately feel awesome and full of relief but the stress repeats itself with the next catch.

That is my mental state – every time Brodie is on the move.

Giving him the shot is now part of our routine and something that we are fine with. What I am not fine is watching my uncoordinated, weebly-wobbly, interested in everything, falling every other minute toddler on the verge of getting severely hurt because of this blood thinner.

I cannot imagine that the risks that he is facing every minute externally are not greater than the possibility of what could possibly happen internally – 4 months post clot surgery. We are currently getting thoughts and agreement from our team.

Being a parent is so hard. Struggling through every day hoping that your best was good enough. Trusting yourself that you are doing things right.

Then you screw up.

Something happens that was not supposed to – it is haunting. You didn’t protect your little(s) and they got hurt. It sits there on your conscience cat calling you in your moments of silence. Reminding you that you were not on your A-Game.

And if my internal tormenting thoughts aren’t enough I have two beautiful giant chocolate saucer eyes that soon will both be black and blue as the blood drains down from the goose-egg and it starts to heal itself.

But the liver is good. He is happy. And life goes on. It always does. And parenting wounds heal but are not forgotten. Parenting. I use this as a verb. It’s something you do. No just who you are. It takes courage, humility, grit and a lot of love.

At the end of the day I am so very grateful that I am a Mother. I am grateful that I have two amazing little people that I can care for. I am grateful that organ donation and the power of giving life that has allowed me to have these moments. Everyday is a gift.